I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He? As in you personified your dick?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
