You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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