quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
