Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
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