hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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