I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
home. puking in laundry basket.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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