she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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