Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
