Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
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