Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
