I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
My liver is preforming stress tests.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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