You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
