he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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