I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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