I think im going to throw up on grandma
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
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