You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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