he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
