I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
