btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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