Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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