You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
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That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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