i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
