BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
