I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
