Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
