how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Do you have feelings for this penis?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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