I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Randomize
