Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
