since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
