I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Randomize
