Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
