I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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