I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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