I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
