I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
