Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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