theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
