My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
