ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
