If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
