I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
