WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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