he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Randomize
