I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize