so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
