i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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