Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
