can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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