My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
a search helicopter?!
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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