Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
