We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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