i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
