I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
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The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
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She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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