I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Randomize
