I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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