so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
