Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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