you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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