Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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