Where did you get a picture of my penis
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
