I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
