You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Shame - the story of my life.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
