Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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