This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
