Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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