she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize