who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I love having hate sex.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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