Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
