Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
