Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
