This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
