dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
