I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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