Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
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His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
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Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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