Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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