the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
